Being an only child felt a stigma: so I didn’t really want to look at it - now it feels safe, quite painful, but I think overall being an only child reverberates on all my relationships.
We were asked to go into different groups, according to the number of siblings we had. I was the only one who was an only child. Quite illogically I actually felt not just awkwardness and embarrassment, but I actually felt ashamed. I felt like I was different, not as good, there must be something wrong with me, my family.
I actually felt ashamed. Something was wrong - I had no brothers or sisters - so I would not be able to relate in the same way as them. They would all relate in a different way to me, my way was not as good as theirs.
Something wrong with me, something wrong with my family – it felt like a stigma that’s what it felt like! I am not sure whether that connected with when I was younger. I felt left out, certainly left out in the family, they were all adults. I was the child in the middle, everyone talking over me. It was the same feeling when my husband was with all his sisters I felt there must be something wrong with me I do not fit in here that’s right I don’t fit in.
It made me connect back to the playground they all had brothers and sisters. They were talking about their brothers and sisters. I felt different not, as good not as, not accepted, hence the stigma! There’s that girl who hasn’t got any brothers or sisters crazy! That poor girl, that’s when the shame came, something about when people are saying poor her, she is an only child, shame comes in there. I felt ashamed when I was younger, deficient.