In a predominantly sibling society being a child/adult without siblings is seen as both a lack and unfair advantage. As with any minority group, prejudices and stereotypes abound, many of which are negative and in my experience remain unchallenged by clients, counsellors or supervisors. This article is an attempt to inform and encourage therapists to move beyond the stereotypes by offering a deeper understanding of the experience of being an only child, not just in childhood, but also as someone living life from a minority perspective throughout their lifespan. During the last twenty years, in my therapeutic work with young people, I have noticed the stigma of the only child is still powerful and reflects my own experience as an only child.
As part of a doctorate in psychotherapy, I have been researching the experiences of adult only children. As an only child I was curious to know if other adult only children had comparable experiences to myself and if these were in any way peculiar to only children. During my research experiences emerged that were common to only children though not exclusive to them. By using in depth interviews as well as message boards and chat rooms on the internet, I began to notice that these experiences were important to both men and women and appeared true of adult onlies in the UK, the US, Canada and Australia. I also interviewed therapists who worked specifically with this group, to see if their clinical experiences reflected similar themes. Finally, I co-facilitated workshops, with an only child male therapist, on issues such as surviving the stigma engendered by the cultural stereotype of the only child. The following article gives a flavour of my findings and their significance for therapeutic practice.