Email November 2006
It was a comfort somewhat stumbling quite accidental upon your site, having never had encounters with other only children or their experiences, I am a 36 year old father of two great boys now. But still live with the emotional difficulties from not only being an only child, but also being adopted. I have read some literature on the adoption side of things, the feelings of guilt, shame, and unworthiness of being adopted. But knew being an only child in some way to added to these feeling, now having also seen the notice board on your site.
I see that` only children` do also feel this same way and I as an only child share theirs. I have never meet with other only children or adopted people, and now I feel in some way from my lonely childhood that I must take the burden of these feelings and I am now at a stage that I know I will never be able to share them except through your site. My parents were great people, I had some fantastic experiences in my life, and I cannot fault them for the way I have been brought up. I can only conclude that the feelings I harbour are made of mine own self. I don’t remember a specific time when the feeling of loneliness set in I just know I had it. I cannot remember 90% of my early childhood as I did not have many friends until I was about 12 or 13 and of course I cannot relate to any siblings about these. Now when I trace back upon pictures from my childhood, I am the only one in the pictures, at Christmas with my new toys, on birthdays with my new bike, on the beach on holidays all on my own.
Being now within a family can be strange for me, sometimes I feel it all to much to have so many around me, and can lash out (not physically), does anybody else feel this way? I do not mean to lash out and it is only a “knee jerk reaction” and means nothing further to me, but to my loved ones it makes them feel they are some kind of nuisance to me which is not true.
Then the only solace I know of to take is to be on my own where I can do no further bother to them. I know my story is not unique and seeing the other peoples writings they have conquered far greater difficulties than me, and I believe they should be proud of their achievements .
In a world where being alone is a hard thing to do, I feel loneliness everyday guilt, shame and the consequence I have of never being good enough. I am so glad there are stories of genuine happiness on your site from people in the same situation and this gives me some hope that I may one day feel more worthy of deserving the life that so many have fought to protect.